Stepping Into Your Masculine Power

A couple of years ago I recorded this video from my beach home in the Caribbean. I spit it into my web-cam in the morning after a long, late-night conversation with a small group of close male friends who were profoundly affected when I shared this idea with them.

It was right before New Years when I first posted it, and I got an avalanche of emails from men who said that it had completely changed their lives, from just a single listening.

So even though the sound is terrible and the video quality is worse, every year I send this out to the men on my list around New Years– and it remains, every year, one of the most popular things I share.

I hope this will be useful to you in guiding you on your own path as we head towards the end of this year, and we take stock of our battles won and lost, and we lay our plans to be better men, and to get more of what we want for ourselves and for those that we love, in the NEW YEAR:

 

 
 
Screen Shot 2015-12-23 at 6.44.53 PM
I hope this video was as meaningful to you as it was to me when I first made these distinctions in my own life.

As promised, as I’ve done every year since recording this, here is your special link to take advantage of my annual: New Year’s Passionate Lover, Passionate Life Half Off Special >>

24 Comments
  • Avatar
    T. John
    Reply

    Fantastic video. I am going to have to do some deep thinking and change my way of thinking in my life.

  • Avatar
    Ian
    Reply

    Alex, this is outstanding!

    November was the most lucrative month of my entire life and I was onnit consistently for about 3 weeks in this self trust making the most money I’ve ever made in my business in one month yet. And in that the girl I secretly had the hots for saw me rocking it on that wave at the grocery store just came up and leaned into and gave me her phone number and we had a great connection and conversation. And 2 days later at the bank I saw her and when our eyes met I started popping one because when our eyes met we smiled and there was chemistry. I didn’t get her window, but she went out of her way to ask me about my bacon (what I bought at the store when she saw me) and then my heart fucking cracked and I almost couldn’t talk to her I was so moved!

    Problem is that freaked me out and I waited to call her till like two weeks later and I was in the grips of the monkey mind and fear driven by trauma from my mother previously by then and she said “can I get back to you” when I asked her out and never called me after that. I was in the hesitancy and fears you speak of and see exactly what you are talking about here and a friend told me that I was energetically smothering her by being in the “boy” space you mention in this.

    Thanks Alex!

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      First off Ian, congratulations on November! What a sweet, sweet feeling to be fully in charge of your power and to feel it create real and tangible value and wealth in your life. Nice.

      Second, the lesson here is, “don’t call when you’re in the monkey-mind!”

      And a corollary to that is, don’t stress about it now. You’ll see her again when you’re back in your grounded state, and you’ll smile without a care in the world, and just not mention it, and it’ll be like it never happened.

      2015 is going to be a good one for you my friend.

  • Avatar
    Ian
    Reply

    Outstanding Alex – right on!

    In November I celebrated the most money I’ve ever made in one month in my entire life and had a profound 3 week stretch of really being onnit. Within this stretch I had one of the best days of my life where I was just totally rocking it (grounded, confident, solid) out bringing home the bacon (literally!) from the grocery store and the girl I’ve secretly had the hots for just came right up to me and gave me her phone number/leaned in and we had a great connection and conversation. No blogs or scripts – just so alive and full of self confidence and love I was just ME living all out and taking care of business.

    Then 2 days after that I saw her at the bank and as soon as I walked in the door and our eyes met there was both immediate smiles and I started popping one in the bank line! (: I didn’t get to go to her window, but she came over to me at the other teller and asked how my bacon was and she had me at that moment. Bacon is the way to this man’s heart! I was so moved it was embarrassing feeling my heart and almost not being able to speak. Took me by surprise.

    And then I started to get freaked out and into “monkey mind” “boyish” places like you said with fear leading me and ended up waiting 2 weeks after that to call because I got hung up in my head. Sucked – but I did finally muster the courage to make the call to ask her out and she said “can I get back to you?”

    So what you say here makes total sense based on my experience because when I started the self sabotage and waited to ask her and was into “boyland” she put me off. Kindly, but it still didn’t add up her saying that based on what I felt previously and I know I was off because a friend who has facilitated a lot of psycho-emotional growth work around mother issues told me he felt when I called I was smothering energetically at that point and he’s sure she felt that and that I have no idea what is going on on her side, but that was most likely the issue if there was a previous solid connection.

    Thank you Alex!

  • Avatar
    Ian
    Reply

    You can disregard my last comment. I thought the first one didn’t go through, but I see now it did get up there and you responded.

    Thanks Alex for the ping back!

    I was gonna call again with “any word yet on that date”, but I just realized I’m not in the zone/still grabbing and I went pretty far off the rails of my own commitments and into some of my shadows within this experience – so I came to the same realization that you mentioned.

    I do imagine if there is something truly real going on there it will come back around when I’m back onnit. I’ve always loved that quote – I think from Walt Whitman – I heard in the most epic romance ever – The Notebook – that “nothing that is real can ever be lost!”

    Thanks again – I can feel that and want to make 2015 my best year ever!

  • Avatar
    Samuel
    Reply

    Bernard Shaw once said ” that a reasonable man adapts to the world around him while an unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to him, therefore all progress is dependent on the unreasonable man”.

    I have always enjoyed that quote but it was not till recently( and again being confirmed in your fantastic video) that I learned that the ” monkey mind” is an example of my ” being reasonable”.

    I didn’t see that this process of moving two steps forward and three steps back was in fact negative thinking and a reflection of habitual patterns of doubt…

    Somehow, I always thought that these feelings was just me being , smart- wise- prudent- or logical. I am embarrassed to realise that this is the fear based and small side of me masquerading as my best interests. I was a fish in the ocean and didn’t know I was wet…… What a blind spot…. Thanx again for your thought provoking and heart centered piece… Be well!!

    • Avatar
      Ian
      Reply

      Well said Samuel. I can relate – life just sucks when I live from that “monkey-mind” place. I don’t feel like myself and the world responds back with retraction and backing away from me – fickle.

  • Avatar
    polywan
    Reply

    December 2014, i gain more communication with positive living of people needs, it is strange for me , my girl friend still mutual understanding with life that we can go.

  • Avatar
    David Niry
    Reply

    Just when I thought I had seen the best of Alex’s videos, he does it again and manages to create yet more resonance inside me. Very powerful.

    One of the things I have started practicing over the last 2-3 years is “acting as if”. I have done this mostly in my business, to be fair. I have started working less, delegating much more and spending a bit more than what I could really afford, trusting it would work out somehow, which is the opposite of what “sound financial management” looks like to most people. I also completely and abruptly switched our business model to something that was more to my liking, moving from a service logic to a product one. It got scary in the beginning, but after 3 months, the transformation was complete and successful.

    Some people thought I was lazy, egotistical and pretentious. Some other people thought I was taking inconsiderate risks and was simply crazy. Oh well, so be it… Because it did work. It worked like a godamn charm.

    I did not go out and buy a sports car and all sorts of expensive stuff, but I did buy a nice black SUV I really liked and felt cool in, and traveled more often and more to my taste, which I must confess is kind of expensive as I tend to just indulge in very nice hotels and restaurants, he he he… Just stuff that I really wanted and enjoyed.

    The business rose kind of on its own, and somehow the budget and net results in the business exceeded expectations while I invited and accepted into my life a lifestyle that I felt much happier with. My employees were happier too because they got to get more involved in decision making, and, well, they got raises too, which obviously cannot hurt 😉

    Now I need to apply this to other areas of my life and take the business to its next adventure…

    Happy Holidays to all !

  • Avatar
    Marcus
    Reply

    Alex I hope you make a program around the topic of masculinity in 2015 like you were saying, this and the previous webinars have been great

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      It’s in the works, Marcus. I’m teaming up with one of my mentors to create it, and we’ve been putting together some stuff that I’m super-excited about sharing. More announcements coming soon.

      • Avatar
        Ian
        Reply

        I’m looking forward to this too – so I second Marcus here.

        My experience is that women and dating and all these wonderful things Alex is teaching us about making women having the best sex ever all come from me being in my power as a man. I sadly and frustratingly experience a gap where I’m just “not myself” and I’d love to create more consistency in being grounded and solid in my masculinity. When that’s in place you don’t need blogs, books, and shit to please a woman – just being a man and being who you are is enough and makes then cum in the pants – they literally bloom right before your eyes, open like a flower and lean in. I’ve seen this from the traction I have had with women and it is the most beautiful thing in the world and something I’d LOVE to be able to experience way more consistently in my life!

        Cheers to workin’ onnit my brothas. Happy new year to everyone on here!

      • Alex Allman
        Alex Allman
        Reply

        Yes man, and the two keys to that consistency are to keep doing it, keep showing up, keep practicing… and to have an easy sense of humor about it when you don’t.

  • Avatar
    Jack
    Reply

    I had a mentor who taught me what your video said 3 yrs ago. A psychologist who was badass in much of his life. He told me it was less safe though. First thing that happened is I became much better with women. That blew my mind. They really do respond to a strong male presence, mostly. I was in a mundane marriage for many yrs and had needed to go back to college for years,having put it off out of fear. Long story short I followed my instincts. On the bad side I was fired from my job and have been unable to get a good job. On the good side I am now married to the most beautiful, devoted,wonderful woman and am in grad school. I dont regret it. Life does not last forever and I want to give it my all. I now have a female professor, in a female dominated field, who seems very negative to men and holds power over my grades. Do I be authentic? Do I kiss ass to get thru school to get a good job? This field deals with a lot of domestic violence and some of the women attracted to the field have been abused and resent males. I have decided not to hide me at all but also to be sensitive to people who may be damaged. I cant control the situation. Anything could happen. Not being me could even make it worse.Anyway it is a great message yr giving.And I am happier because i have me.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Hey Jack, you can’t predict the future and a your good grades or getting through school do not necessarily lead to a good job, and a “good job” is not necessarily your highest path, etc., etc….

      However, your life decisions are a different matter than whether to speak out your opinion to this professor. In this case I think your highest choice might be the contribution of your silence, rather than your agreement– but it is for you to decide.

      I would add that if someone has been emotionally damaged in the past and it makes them hateful towards men, you do not serve either yourself or them by making them wrong– there is a more loving path, a path of compassion which allows you to really see and understand why they hold the view they hold WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. And from there, I think, a dialog is possible that won’t harm your grades or your authenticity.

      • Avatar
        Jack
        Reply

        Thank you for that. I think your right . I still get confused about what owning my manhood means. I have a challenge. I work through it. The old part of me struggles with the new part. Then I remind myself that I will go thru,around, under, or over to be the man I want.. I cant control the outcome but I can control how I respond. And then the me I have gotten to know in the last three years pops out. My mentor called that being the chief,which he said is always inside. I wish that being the chief would just stay here no matter what. If I knew it most of the time , no matter the circumstance, then I would be able to be there for me and others more. Not that I am doing badly. Life is so much less of a struggle though when you really know who you are going into the struggle and you do not doubt it. I have a hard time remembering that the pain of the loss of the job and the messy divorce was not necessarily caused by me being the chief. I would be interested in a product addressing this as well. Thanks again.

  • Avatar
    Dennis
    Reply

    WOW!!!!!!!!!! Talk about over-analyzing! Just live life. It really is THAT simple.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      It can be that simple, Dennis, and it is for many folks. There’s nothing “wrong” with living an unexamined life. Most humans believe they are know who they are and that they are operating from their own free will, but in fact they are living a series of expectations and ego-and-social-fear driven reactionary defence mechanisms.

      It is in the unfurling of these things, the noticing of them, that we begin to taste the possibility of true freedom.

    • Avatar
      Jack
      Reply

      Noticing is important. Overanalysing gets me stuck. Thank you Dennis.

  • Avatar
    mick
    Reply

    Thanks for the wake up call Alex!
    Really appreciate the work that you put out there!

  • Avatar
    Susanna
    Reply

    Hi Alex. I’m a mature attractive woman. I listened to your video about self trust and masculine power. Abou a year ago my live in partner of 4 years announced that he wanted to move out and get a place of his own. He said it was something he just had to do. He needed to experience what he needed to experience. He still lived me and wanted a committed relationship with me. It was difficult for me but I wanted to let him be free to make this choice. A year later I found out that from the first day he moved into his new flat he put himself on sex dating websites and was studying two books that gave men tips on how to be a pick up artist. He was also msg women and inviting them round to his flat for meals. When I found him out He said he wanted to play the field AND have me. He is now devastated that he’s lost me. How does that fit into your self trust advice and not getting into monkey mind when deciding to follow your hearts desire? How do you not hurt other people? Please help me understand.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      That’s a tough one Susanna. Sometimes men need to make bad choices in order to discover themselves, and in order to learn what is actually precious in life. Sometimes the cost is high. But if a man follows the Truth and learns his lessons, then the cost is worth it in the end.

      That said, the task I lay out for men is to discover their truth, and to learn to distinguish it from the voices of others who are telling him what he SHOULD want. Sadly all too many men fall victim to the overwhelmingly convincing tactics of marketers selling them Pick Up Artist programs and sex dating sites. I know many of these sites well, as my business puts me in direct contact with their businesses quite frequently, and I can tell you that they spare no expense to obtain the very best marketers on Earth to sell men on the idea that they should be out there getting more sex than they are. It’s an appealing pitch to our biology, and it’s easy to confuse men into parting with their money (and their satisfying life) for an illusion.

      And of course, your partner is not the only one hurt in this. You have been hurt too. And the question is: Would you want to with a man long term whose personal truth was that he would prefer a life of promiscuity and felt, every day, that he was trapped being stuck with you, but sticking it out because society told him so?

      Most likely not.

      In the end, perhaps, the only way to get him as a partner who understands the value and the Truth of his own desire for one really great woman, was to let him explore this other experience. Now, perhaps he has betrayed your trust too far and you don’t want him anymore. Or maybe now you can re-unite and be stronger than would have been possible otherwise. Or perhaps he will take this lesson into his NEXT relationship, and with grace, perhaps some other man who learned his lessons in the challenges of his previous relationships, will find you in his wisdom and forge something you could have never had with your previous partner.

      Life is a strange, wonderful, sometimes painful, but always worthwhile journey.

      I wish you healing for your heart, and all good things for the coming year.

  • Avatar
    John
    Reply

    Man, wish I could have joined this… I just found out about your work now… :((

    Could you let me in your email list when another discount like this opens up?

  • Avatar
    Aleksandar
    Reply

    Holy shit Alex. This is profound mindset shift . Amazing value

Post A Comment