The Truth About “Rape Culture”

The Truth About “Rape Culture”

#rapeculture #metoo #yesallwomen #yesallmen #rapespecies

We’ve been getting our noses rubbed in rape lately.

The news about Bill Cosby was shocking.  I grew up with this guy.  He was the one comedian that my parents said was okay for me to listen to when I was a kid…

On the other hand, I don’t think anyone was all that surprised at all about Donald Trump or Harvey Weinstein…

And now the dominoes are falling every day.

It’s led me to ask a very disturbing question:  Is rape just a normal part of being human?

Why is all of this rape and sexual assault so common suddenly?

Is there something just fucking broken in our society?  In our species??

And is there anything we can do about it?


You can view this video on youtube at “The Truth About Rape Culture #MeToo”

 
Key Points:

  • Rape is biologically wired into us. Pretending that it’s not only makes it harder to intelligently and compassionately teach our young men to control and maturely govern their socially inappropriate desires.
     
  • If we continue to shame men for natural sexual desires, as if desire were in any way equivalent to sexual assault… we’ll continue to feed the pockets of immature men who glorify objectifying and even harming women, and enable perpetrators.
     
  • And if we continue to shame women for their natural desires and their natural fears, then we will continue to feed the epidemic of silence that surrounds and enables perpetrators.

 

24 Comments
  • Avatar
    Michael Volk
    Reply

    Alex, thank you for this. It puts into words exactly what I’ve been wrestling with for months. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way… The video and article were extremely helpful!

  • Avatar
    stefan
    Reply

    Alex, this is all a jewish zionist conspiracy. From the 70s Rockefeller financed feminism because they wanted to divide the family and create a control over the state. They are behind all wars and they created sodom and gomrah and the usa is the whore of babylon, they are fullfilling all bible prophecies. They whoreship satan and he always lies, so everything we know from the at least 100 years are lies. They are funding abortions for the white people and they promote multiculturism to get a slow genocide of them. They control the money, media etc. So the war will be the next guaranteed.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Well Stefan, I mostly approved it for the humor value. I’m jewish, and they haven’t let me in on the master plan. The Rockefellers, however, aren’t jewish. I met David R. once. I nice guy, but couldn’t find his own ass with both hands as far as leading the great conspiracy is concerned. I know it’s way more fun to believe the wacky non-historical, non-provable, and completely fantasy version of the world… but some day, I hope, you’ll grow up and recognize that world is far more boring, and far more available, and far more interesting. There actually aren’t any excuses of great conspiracies to hide your failures or your successes. It really is down to you and what you make of your life. If you stop playing with fairy tales you might discover that your life is what you decide to make of it.

      And, sorry my friend, I know it’s unfair, and probably just me being on the payroll of those nasty jews that run the world… but I won’t be approving your rebuttal, so don’t waste your time.

      I do, however, wish you the best.

  • Avatar
    Mark
    Reply

    Blown away. Thanks a lot for this insightful and intellectual master-piece.

  • Avatar
    Gary Finch
    Reply

    Yes, I read the whole thing, only thing I disagree with is the comment about Trump being president. Where did he grab a woman’s pussy while president. A much better choice would be Bill Clinton. As Governor and president did the act. Locker room talk and doing the “act” are two different things.

  • Avatar
    Bob Sutton
    Reply

    There is no EXCUSE for rape or any other type of sexual harassment or misconduct

  • Avatar
    Morris Nesmith
    Reply

    Alex; The majority of your thoughts I concur with. However, the other crimes mentioned seem to carry penalties that are not as easily gotten away with in our culture. I am reminded of a bit of Wyoming history that occurred in the Independence Rock area involving a n 18 year old white settler and him raping a 14 year old Cheyenne maiden. The Tribe stopped the wagon train, demanding the young man or the lives of those in the train being forfeited. The Cheyenne, after the train was gone, then staked the boy out and skinned him alive. Some cultures demand penalties. Ours does not really do so. You missed out on the Bible references. If the girl was not married or engaged, the rapist was to pay a dowry and marry her without the ability of divorce. If she screamed, she was considered innocent and not to be killed. Married? Rapist killed. Adultery, death to both.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Morris, I agree with all of it. But I’ll add to that the penalties and rules you describe from Leviticus are only within the tribe of Israelites, and later Christians who adopted those laws. Those conquered peoples, from the Canaanites to Africans brought to the Colonies were property and could be raped and disposed of at will.
      Not even bad manners.
      But it certainly is no a Judeo-Christian thing. The Babylonians, Greeks, Romans, every Chinese and Japanese and Indian empire… it’s baked into our history everywhere.

  • Avatar
    Weston P Davis
    Reply

    Well said. While I always find great sympathy for women and absolutely respect their protests of this behavior, it does occasionally feel like us men are being put into an impossible box. The biological drive to be sexual clashes against unwanted advances.

    Alex, it boils down to what you said when you referenced the discussion about “how would you feel if a man called you sexy?” and the right answer was “it depends on who says it.”

    For me, recognizing the signs of attraction before making a move has made my dating life much more comfortable.

    @Stefan: Well you certainly have set up your perspective to fulfill itself. I don’t see war going away.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      And I’d add, in women’s defense, because these things are far from black and white, that it also depends on the circumstances around him saying it, and the way he says it. Calling a woman sexy can definitely be weaponized and used specifically to demean them, shock them, gain some kind of power over them.

  • Avatar
    Dyann
    Reply

    Thank you for this video and Fuck you for saying any woman is “complicit” and “willing” to let someone like Weinstein “get away with” his sexual perversions with them because they are putting their careers above letting someone like that get away with his horrendous behavior.

    As a Woman I can not in good conscience let you – a Man – say that any woman is “complicit” or “willing” because they stayed silent about that fat jerk. I say – as a Woman – that choosing Power/Career/A Pay Check over “doing the right thing” might be the ONLY good reason to stay silent about that fat jerk.

    There are many other reasons for staying silent for so long that a man (even in your position) would not understand. I understand your argument but the notion of being “complicit” is erroneous.

    The fact is women are much better at “policing” other women than men “policing” men. Which brings me to another point. You insist that rape is “baked in” to a man’s genes like hunger and thirst. Wow. I have a higher opinion of your gender than that and I have too many [me too] #s to count.

    I always appreciate your videos and emails. You are doing good work for many and I love you for it. I love you which is why I’m saying fuck you to calling any woman “complicit” because they fucked a Weinstein pig to get a role and then pretended to like it.

    Hookers do that everyday and men are happy to pay for it. In short… Women adapt. Men develop “baked in” rape genes. Huh?

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Thank you for your honest “fuck you” Dyann. I receive it willingly, and I phrased things in that way intentionally to get an emotional response.

      I believe that if you watch through the video to the end, you’ll see that I frame those statements up and explain it out better.

      First: Yes, I think these women are complicit… but in no way equally guilty. They are complicit because they are coming forward with their horrifying stories only after other women accused him… but they remain silent about the other 100 men in Hollywood that tried to pull the same shit on them. It is everywhere in that industry, and they are still protecting some of the perpetrators. Let’s not forget that female producers helped Harvey to lay his traps, and that plenty of both men and women knew there was a rapist in their midst and they let him get away with it to serve their self interest.

      In the end I’m not talking about Harvey’s victims specifically, I’m talking about our culture as a whole, both male and female as being complicit.

      Second: Rape is baked into our biology. That’s not a low opinion of men, that’s a very clear observation of all of human history and the observation of pre-contact hunter-gatherer tribes.

      I am NOT saying all men are rapists. Most men control their animal impulses around rape with ease, grace, and the clear desire to forge something real with a woman. They would never consider crossing that line.

      And also, in their natural biology is the impulse to hunt and take. There are very few men or women who don’t fantasize about rape… even if they feel yucky about it afterwards.

      As I discuss in the video, we are also naturally murderous by nature.

      As I see it, the stigma and the clear moral line around murder is far more carefully and fully drawn by puberty… whereas the subtle, but very real idea that I need to figure out how GET sex FROM women is still alive and well in most men up into their old age.

      We can do better.

      • Avatar
        Dyann
        Reply

        Thank you Alex. I knew you’d take my ‘fuck you’ like a man.

        P.S. I did watch the video to the end and I still don’t agree. But it’s ok. 🙂

  • Avatar
    Marco
    Reply

    Honestly I havent had sex in so long Ive wondered if I would ever take advantage of a girl like that. But no, I went to a strip club and the dancer offered me a bj. I noticed she was not enjoying it and I felt horrible so I stopped her. Now I know I would never take advantage of a woman because I dont feel right if she isnt going to enjoy it. I love women and dont want to get sex from them. Like Alex said, I want us to share that amazing experience called sex and enjoy each other’s company. However, Im getting hopeless and desperate since no woman gives me the chance to show my desire and adoration for femininity

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Marco, I know so many men in your position. I get emails every single day from men saying almost exactly those words. The truth is that there is a learning curve to getting comfortable showing a woman your sexual desire without making her feel uncomfortable.

      The bottom line is really, honestly believing that your sexual desire is good and natural AND also knowing that while you WANT sex (maybe even want it really, really badly)… you don’t NEED her to agree to sex in order for you to feel happy and confident.

      When you can do that trick, women will fall over themselves to be with you.

      My program, “The Catch”, is all about getting to that place… but please don’t take this as a sales pitch and ignore the advice. I don’t care if you get my program, but I DO care that you become confident and at ease with your desire and your self confidence with women so that you both YOU and your future girlfriend, can enjoy happiness and be a role model for other men and women that are still struggling

  • Avatar
    Robert
    Reply

    So how do we as men avoid being accused of sexual assault when all we were doing was putting the moves on a woman we were attracted to? Sexual assault or harassment is whatever the woman wants it to be, for example that video that was supposed to be of Street harassment was just a bunch of men being normal.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      That’s exactly right Robert, and it’s one of the points I’m trying to make in the video. A man who whistles at a woman is exhibiting bad behavior, bad manners, bad judgement… but if women want to lump him in with rapists, then we’re in big trouble.

      I am NOT saying that “rape is women’s fault because they confuse men.”

      I AM saying that our culture is so whacked up, for both men and women, and we put so much shame on sexual desire that it makes men angry, resentful, and fuels feelings of frustration and helplessness that makes them feel like it’s men AGAINST women in the game to GET sex… AND makes women feel like they can’t come forward to accuse actual rapists because they get lumped in with a bunch of women making much ado about nothing.

      Our rape culture is real, dangerous, and frankly sad. And both men and women are participating in it.

  • Avatar
    Godfrey
    Reply

    I may be wrong but harvey didnt rape non of thr women. Misuse his power to get what he wants from. Not condoning.
    But women put sex on the table too to get what they want.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Read the full story from the reporter who first covered it in New York Mag… 100% rape. Pre-meditated, laid out a careful trap, and physically overwhelmed.

  • Avatar
    Robert Bernstein
    Reply

    Great input. Seduction is two way street when it comes to the sexes. A man has to go through a mind searching hell to seduce a woman. A woman says let’s go to bed and it is on. Woman controls the act. She will look for the most experienced man unless she truly loves him. See Julia Roberts in a film of two lovers. The one who satisfied her sexually was her choice.
    My first wife never complained but she passed. My second wife told me I was a. none seducer but went to bed anyway for her pleasure but in the pitch black.
    I see many men allow their girlfriends and wives rule them maybe for the sexual rewards
    I am now completely unable to have sex due to prostate cancer treatments. How many women will accept such a situation as that.
    One matching website has 58 million people looking for sex so it easier than ever but not for me. 1/3 of US has some form of STD(sexual transmitted disease) so good luck.

  • Avatar
    Armaan Shiraz
    Reply

    Oh wow, Alex! What timing haha… I literally just wrote on this very subject on Facebook, and then this! Awesome, honest, vulnerable take on it. Thanks so much for posting this! Here’s my own thoughts on the matter (and yes, you and I are Facebook friends, so it’s accessible to you lol).

    https://www.facebook.com/ArmanAumakua/posts/10155969451947193?pnref=story

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Thanks Armaan, I know we’re FB friends, as I very often “like” your posts (both with my click and my heart), and I’m looking forward to clicking over later and reading your take on it.

  • Avatar
    D.B. Carn
    Reply

    The theory that rape is hardwired into humans is hotly contested and, as of 2017, unfounded. To present it as more than a theory is not only irresponsible, it’s dangerous. The conclusions you’ve drawn based on the prevalence of rape throughout the world and throughout recorded history aren’t proof that rape is a part of us—its proof that patriarchal power-plays are widespread and have been going on for a long time. If rape was a part of our genetic makeup, we would expect to see similar statistics throughout the world; but we don’t. In the few matriarchal societies still in existence, rape is almost unheard of; and in countries where women hold a large portion of the political power, the number of sexual assaults is drastically lower (and the correlation is inversely proportional: the higher the number of women in office, the lower the number of rapes). Conversely, in countries where men hold all the power (or most of the power) rape statistics are high. This suggests that rape is not a biological trait but a cultural one. It is learned. And encouraged. When power and force are lauded as ideals, rape will follow.
    There are species in nature that rape, but they do so for procreative reasons. Humans are NOT raping to propagate the species, as evidenced by the rape of infants/children, the elderly, and men. (And female-on-female sexual assault.) Human beings use rape to prove their power and domination.
    You also mentioned the prevalence of rape fantasies from both sexes, which I think is an interesting aside. The psychological reasons behind rape fantasies are too numerous for me to go into in a video comment, but their roots are planted in sexual repression not genetics.
    Please be more careful when presenting arguable theories in the future. We have enough issues with misinformation in this day and age. I do usually love the information you provide, and I think sexual pleasure, freedom, and acceptance are the answers to many of society’s shortcomings. Embracing female sexuality is the first step toward a more egalitarian and successful society, so I thank you for your work.

    • Alex Allman
      Alex Allman
      Reply

      Hi DB, I don’t think I can possibly explain to you how much my heart yearns for everything you write here to be true, and in spirit, I am with you.

      But the idea that men’s sexual aggression is biological is as hotly contested as global warming. Likewise, the myth of prehistorical matriarchal paradise is beautiful, but unfounded by any evidence.

      In matrilineal societies where property and birthright and often mating right belong to women (which is, after all exceedingly logical, given the uncertainty of paternity), there is little substantive indication that rape is less prevalent. We are talking about a very few, very small tribal subcultures here, without any serious crime enforcement outside of clan retribution, and many of them (unsurprisingly, given the difficulty of paternity determination under these conditions) are polyamorous, with no strict definitions of marriage, as such their definitions of rape are often not remotely in line with ours.

      Biology to the side, my point here really isn’t about genetics, but about realities. It may be that sexual aggression is wholly a social construct– after all, so is money, corporations, property, the idea we ought to wear clothing, the existence of art, romance, keeping promises, laws against rape, and everything else we consider human characteristics. At the end of the day, the point is moot because we have grown up into this world, and our psychology is shaped for better or for worse (or for much worse) by these stories and constructs.

      My point is simply pragmatic: The only way forward to reduce violence against women is FORWARD. It’s in maturing and creating the laws, the conditions, and the educational systems that will help both men AND WOMEN deal compassionately, rationally, and consistently with what is and isn’t okay in terms of what a young man may or may not do with all of this sexual aggression that surges through his body.

      Laws and religion attempt to do this, and to help the young, horny, and impossibly sexually aggressive teenage male and shape into a non-criminal member of society. Maturity, empathy, and mentorship are needed to shape his character into man who channels his urges appropriately even without the fear of punishment… but I’m afraid we are not talking about a large percentage of the population.

      Pretending that a man’s natural sexual aggression is not real is kind of a non-starter, and about as effective as teaching abstinence for birth control instead of condoms, exactly because men can feel the urge towards aggression so powerfully that it makes our heads spin.

      Pretending that men who feel sexual aggression are broken, evil, or wrong is unhelpful in the extreme because the the number of men who can live inside of the castrated circle is small– though I see in the Bay Area in California that a very large number of culturally effeminized men have “embraced the goddess” and scowl at the evil of sexually aggressive men while sipping ayahuasca with their polyamorous lover… And while I am poking fun at these spiritually awake new-age men, the fact is, I’m referring the majority of my close friends! But I’m quite uncertain about rape statistics being lower in the Bay Area. Perhaps they are, and perhaps teaching men this behavioral paradigm is solution forward– but a lot of men won’t go for it, and it’s certainly not natural. It requires enormous developmental maturity (Claire Graves 6/Spiral Dynamics Green), and an acceptance of a very specific set of moral and spiritual stories.

      As you began and ended: We are absolutely on the same team, and I like your version of how humans ought to be better than mine. But pragmatically we are at odds about what to do about it.

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